Candy (chinese)
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An international literary phenomenon-now available for the first time in English translation-Candy is a hip, harrowing tale of risk and desire, the story of a young Chinese woman forging a life for herself in a world seemingly devoid of guidelines. Hong, who narrates the novel, and whose life in many ways parallels the author''s own, drops out of high school and runs away at age 17 to the frontier city of Shenzen. As Hong navigates the temptations of the city, she quickly falls in love with a young musician and together they dive into a cruel netherworld of alcohol, drugs, and excess, a life that fails to satisfy Hong''s craving for an authentic self, and for a love that will define her. This startling and subversive novel is a blast of sex, drugs, and rock ''n'' roll that opens up to us a modern China we''ve never seen before. – Banned in China -with Mian Mian labeled the ''poster child for spiritual pollution''-CANDY still managed to sell 60,000 copies, as well as countless additional copies in pirated editions. – CANDY has been published in eight countries to date and has become a bestseller in France.
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Sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll: ingredients for novels about modern China? Yes, SHANGHAI BABY by Wei Hui (Pocket Books, 2001) showed international readers modern Chinese youth were not immune to the running dogs of Western decadence: Globalization might even include mixing with dissolute foreigners. Following SHANGHAI BABY to English by a few years, Mian Mian now suggests with CANDY the decadence is more likely homegrown, possibly an inevitable side-effect of China's ascension to manufacturing colossus for the world. After this first novel by Shanghainese Mian was banned in China -an "honor" Wei Hui also earned – she was labelled a "poster child for spiritual pollution."
The buzz made CANDY an underground bestseller.
Whether Mian Mian harvested autobiographical details for her protagonist Hong's drug-plagued odyssey is open to question. She prefaces the novel with a note: "This book exists because one morning as the sun was coming up I told myself that I had to swallow up all of the fear and garbage around me, and once it was inside me I had to transform it all into candy. Because I know you all will be able to love me for it."
In a larger context, Hong's story, the characters in her life, often resonate with American stories we've heard of the Old West and Gold Rush days (whether in California or Alaska). She leaves Shanghai to seek her future in the new frontier of the Special Economic Zones the Chinese government created along the south coast in the 1980s, near Guangzhou. Not only did the SEZs permit a laissez faire approach to business-much of the Confucian social rules that apply elsewhere are ignored. In the SEZ thick with fortune seekers and finders, prostitution flourishes, as does alcohol and drug addiction.
Hong, only 17, has dropped out of a competitive high school, somewhat dispirited by the suicide of a classmate (an echo of Murakami's NORWEGIAN WOOD), when she leaves for the south. There she meets a young musician Saining and they become lovers, so often hopeless for each other and so often hopeless for their addictions. They survive, slacker-style, largely by the generosity of Saining's mom, who lives in Japan.
Hong's love for Saining has compelling moments of violence, promiscuity, and druggy indifference. But the greatest achievement of Hong's story, perhaps, is the honest testimony to the erasure of desire, the great sucking away of soul only addiction can wreak on a love that nonetheless won't go away. From a null point, from a Murakami-esque death in life, Hong goes on to find redemption can be hers.This stark portrait is not without lighter moments. For example, Hong's friend Bug is convinced he has AIDS. The horror of that discovery is brought alive. Page after page: consultation with friends, plans to leave the country, examination by a Beijing AIDS specialist. Finally, the revelation too many OTC drugs to get high had caused the troubling symptoms.
Like Murakami's post-consumerist young generation in Japan, Mian Mian suggests the same search for individual authenticity is underway in China. As China 's economic engine gains force, so does disillusionment among the young with the old ways. Hong suggests her ambivalence towards China 's rising star: "The moment the plane left the ground, I fucking burst into tears. I swore I would never come back to this town in the South again. This weird, plastic, bullshit Special Economic Zone, with all that pain and sadness, and the face of love, and the whole totally fucked-up world of heroin, and the late 1980s gold rush mentality, and all that pop music from Taiwan and Hong Kong. This place had all of the best and all of the worst. It had become my eternal nightmare." Hong awakes before the CANDY is gone. Mian's compassion for youth of New China elevates and brings irony to a story lesser writers might have passed off as sensation-ridden heroin chic.
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它把我的耳朵击碎撒落在地
我们想要这个世界就是现在
上帝请你救我
– THE WS《当音乐结束》
1993年圣诞夜那天,我一整天看不到赛宁,我把他所有的东西都收拾出来扔出了门外。晚上他回来时我反锁着门对他说你去死吧你完了。那晚我就对他说了这一句话。
那晚赛宁坐在门外一直在唱歌,他唱得很含糊,只是每句都有“圣诞快乐”。那晚我喝了太多的酒,所以很快就睡着了。
第二天醒来打开门不见了赛宁,他的东西都在。我起初以为他去了哪个“道友”家。我那时酗酒很厉害,经常恍恍炮炮的,脾气坏得邪乎。关于我们的生活,一点就可以说明:我们已经一年没有做爱了。我们都有偶尔手淫,但都感觉提不起精神。我们偶尔亲吻,但谁也不想做爱。谁也不知道爱情是什么了,这种爱更像一种亲情,它支撑着飞不起来的身体,在感受到这点的时候,我第一次觉得自己长大了,长大的感
觉挺没劲的,而爱是怎么溜走的呢?我想不通。
赛宁失踪一个星期后我知道不对了,我和三毛到处找赛宁,甚至找到了他国外的父母那儿。
三毛说赛宁混蛋我比他更混蛋。
最后我发现他大衣口袋里的护照不见了,在那把红色芬达琴的琴箱里我找到了一张纸条:亲爱的如果你发现这张纸条时我不在你身边,那么就是我已离开这个城市了。现在是1993年的9月,你正在我怀里睡着,你又醉了。我爱你,但爱是什么呢?有什么在恐吓着我。真的。所以我必须离开。我们在一起太久了。我们都有点糊涂了,所以我得离开,无论你想变成谁或你会变成谁,记得我是最爱你的赛宁。
我还找到了赛宁的银行卡和一张纸条,纸条上是密码,其实地知道我知道他的密码,我发现这张卡上有一大笔钱,他是如此傲慢!
什么是“我们在一起太久了”?
我们只拥有这个,我们没有别的!
我开始尖叫。我可怕的哮喘病就这样在15年以后突然卷土重来。
我因此经常需要去医院抢救,我随时得准备着氧气袋。每天醒来为了吸进这一天的第一批醒着的空气,我得浑身发抖起码15分钟,我不敢躺着睡觉,因此醒来时总是注视着我的汗水一滴滴落在被单上。
想着和赛宁所有甜蜜的事情,全部想起来了。这让我没法承受。
三毛没法帮我,他说服我一起到外省去演出。他想让我成为一名职业歌手。最后一场演出对我和演出公司来说都是一场噩梦。按照演出合同规定,到最后我还要赔偿演出公司一笔钱,可见我自说自话到何种程度。
我抱着赛宁的吉他唱着《多么希望你能在这里》。酗酒令我的哮喘越来越厉害,而哮喘的我演出时总是力不从,乙。
在一次记者招待会上有人对我说你的台风不错,只是为什么那么不快乐?现在改革形势一片大好。我十分失态地把一杯水和杯子一起突然向那人砸去。我的行为引起一场风波。三毛竭力替我向人道歉,他对大家解释“她从来没到外省演出过,可能是兴奋过度了”。我因此而被耻笑为“中国猛女人”。
后来又不知是谁拿走了我放在浴室里的赛宁送我的手阈,我四处寻找,并嚷嚷着如果找到这个拿我手阈的人绝不会放过他,我在酒店里再次惹事生非,并和三毛大吵了一通。
最后,我发誓再也不出去唱歌了。我发现不知从什么时候起谈论人生必须忍受痛苦已成了不合时宜的自作自受。
我再也不想给这个世界添麻烦。
我发誓再也不出去演出了。
1994年的春节,我突然预感我的赛宁再也不会回来了。我变得无比固执起来。我几乎毫不犹豫地选择了海洛因,我通过它和赛宁约会,我对自己说你去死吧你完了。
整个世界在我面前消失了。海洛因最大的好处是让我没完没了地进入令人晕眩的虚无,我从里到外空荡荡的,时间开始变得飞快起来,生和死同时成为高悬在我头顶的两座宫殿,我所能做的只是在这其中尴尬地徘徊。
赛宁经常说过他靠海洛因寻找到“迷幻的安宁”,我不知道他有没有其它美妙的感觉。海洛因的生活对我毫无美妙可言,但我确实找到了安宁。我需要一种慢慢死去的方式,我是个胆小鬼,我没有力量立刻去死。
三毛没办法,最后他打电话通知了我父母,我被父母送去了上海戒毒所。出院当天我就又飞回了南方继续吸毒。
我见不得光亮,不能听见声音,不想和任何人说话,多疑,懒惰,团经,颠三倒四,厌食,每天在电视里看午夜场粤语长片但关掉声音。
有一天我突然发现我的嗓子坏了,我不能再随心所欲地唱歌了,我对自己说你毁掉自己的时刻到了。那以后我再也没唱过歌,哪怕是在自己的浴室。
海洛因最终使我获得一种力量,它让我不再需要音乐了。在发现这点时,我知道我已经完了。
盲目始终带领着我们的血液。所谓失控就是一场接着一场的火灾。我对赛宁的渴望耗尽了我所有的热量。我唯一明白的就是我不明白为什么我们的生活会注定失去控制。
大龙和一个妓女相爱,这个妓女吸毒,大龙开始帮她戒毒,后来大龙开始吸毒,后来这妓女的父亲告大龙拐骗少女,大龙开始逃亡,他再也不摆摊了。据说大龙在郊外死于疾病,而我始终不相信这个说法。
小猫成了一个传说。她手拿一包白色蒙汗药,见一个灭一个,每次回家数钱扔电话号码,然后吸毒。最后一次关于她的消息是她被判人妇教所,在妇教所逃跑,封山三天找她,她给一个当地人她仅有的五百港币,结果那人把她带回家强奸了她,强好后送回妇教所,她没有把这一切告诉妇教所的教官,她跳楼了,跳伤了腰后保外就医,她被放出来了。可她没
来找我,而我是多么想她能来找我。
小猫的消息都是大龙带来的,大龙失踪后我就再也没有了小猫的消息。他们谁也不来找我了。
生活以最快的速度向着黑暗滑去,栏也拦不住。那条街的每一个小店都可以随时买到针管,而我们这些在那条街上住过的人,我们这几个人,曾经坚信自己绝不会 成为痛 君子,而最后却全部都上了道。生活就这么彻底变成了一个吸血鬼。
