Niubi! The Real Chinese You Were Never Taught in School

我靠 wŏ kào (wuh cow)

Shit! A common exclamation to express surprise or anger. In Mandarin, it literally means “I depend on” but is used as a stronger form of kào, like “Shit!” versus “Damn!”

Cursing mothers (and other relatives)

他妈的 tāmāde (tah mah duh)

Damn! Shit! While not anywhere near as vulgar as the words above, this is without a doubt the most classic of Chinese swears. It means “his mother’s” and implies the larger sentence 操他妈的屄 cào tā mā de bī (tsow tah mah duh bee), “Fuck his mother’s pussy!” but is much less dirty since the key words are left out. The phrase can be exclaimed by itself or used to intensify an adjective. Thus you can say something like “今天他妈的冷” “Jīntiān tāmāde leng” (jean tyinn tah mah duh lung) for “Today is really damn cold,” even though the literal translation, “Today is his mother’s cold,” doesn’t make sense. Another example: 他真他妈的牛屄! Tā zhēn tāmāde niúbī! (tah jen tah ma duh nyoo bee) means “He’s really fucking badass!” even though it translates as “He’s really his mother’s awesome!”

And of course, you can swap in any other relatives-a common version in Beijing is 他大爷 tā dàye (tah dah yeh), literally “his grandfather” (implying “his grandfather’s”). 他奶奶的 Tā nǎinai (tah nigh nigh), “his grandmother” (implying “his grandmother’s”) is common as well.

你老师 nǐ lǎoshī (nee laow shih)

Damn! Literally “your teacher” (implying “his teacher’s”). A Taiwan variation on tāmāde (page 41). Written 你老師 in Taiwan.

妈的 māde (mah duh)

Damn! Literally “mother’s” and a shortened form of tāmāde (page 41). Both an exclamation and an intensifier.

你妈的 nǐmāde (nee mah duh)

Damn you! Literally “your mother’s” instead of “his mother’s” (page 41) and thus a bit stronger since it’s a direct address.

你大爷 nǐ dàye (nee dah yeh)

Damn you! A northern Chinese variation on the above. Literally “your grandfather” (implying “his grandfather’s”).

你奶奶 Nǐ nǎinai (nee nigh nigh), “your grandmother,” is common in northern China as well.

他大爷 tā dàye (tah dah yeh)

Shit, damn. Can be either exclaimed alone or used as an intensifier. Literally “his grandfather.” 他奶奶 Tā nǎinai (tah nigh nigh), “his grandmother,” is common as well. Both are only used in northern China.

去你妈的 qù nǐ mā de (chee nee mah duh)

Fuck off. Literally “go to your mother’s” and stronger than tāmāde (page 41) since it is a direct address.

去你奶奶的 qù nǐ nǎinai de (chee nee nigh nigh duh)

Fuck off. Literally “go to your grandmother’s” and a variation on the above.

去你的 qùnǐde (chee nee duh)

Damn you, get lost. Literally “go to yours” and milder than the above.

你妈的屄 nǐ mā de bī (nee ma duh bee)

Fuck! Fuck you! Can be exclaimed alone or addressed at someone. Literally “your mother’s cunt.”

叫你生孩子没屁股眼 jiào nǐ shēng háizi méi pìguyǎn (jaow nee shung hi dz may pee goo yen)

Literally, “May your child be born without an asshole.” A very strong curse. Sometimes 没屁股眼 méi pìguyǎn (may pee goo yen) by itself (“no asshole,” or more technically “imperforate anus”) is used as a curse like “Damn!” Originated in Hong Kong and surrounding southern areas, but now commonly used all over China.

Cunt-related obscenities

牛屄 niúbī (nyoo bee)

Can be used negatively to mean something like “arrogant fuck” but more usually means “fuckin’ awesome” or “motherfuckin’ badass.” Think of it as meaning that someone has a lot of fuckin’ balls, either in a good way or a bad way. Literally “cow pussy” (see chapter 1 for the etymology). Extremely popular in northern China, where it originated, and not as commonly used but still understood in southern China. Not used at all (and will most likely not be understood) in Taiwan.

傻屄 shǎbī (shah bee)

Stupid cunt, fuckin’ idiot. Literally “idiot’s pussy”-傻 shǎ (shah) means “stupid.” Particularly in northern China, this is perhaps the strongest, dirtiest insult available in your arsenal of things to yell at that fucker who just cut you off in traffic or who just tried to mug you on the street. It also sounds a lot like “shabby,” as many English teachers in China have unwittingly discovered when attempts to teach the word are met with peals of laughter. Like niúbī, it is extremely common in northern China, less used in southern China, and not used at all in Taiwan.

装屄 zhuāngbī (jwong bee)

Act like a fuckin’ poser; be a fuckin’ ass. Literally “dress pussy” or “pretend pussy.” 装 Zhuāng (jwong) means “pretend” or “put on,” like putting on an item of clothing, and implies the larger phrase 装牛屄 zhuāng niúbī (jwong nyoo bee); that is, pretending to be niúbī, or awesome, when you’re not. Thus you could say that you don’t like going to fancy restaurants because you don’t want to be surrounded by all those zhuāngbī types. Again, extremely common in northern China, less used in southern China, and not used at all in Taiwan.

二屄 (more usually written 二逼 or 2B) èrbī (er bee)

Fuckin’ idiot, a fuck-up. Used in northern China. Literally “second pussy” or “double cunt.” 二 Ér, or “two,” is a reference to the insult “ 250,” or 二百五 èrbǎiwǔ (er buy woo), which means “idiot” (see page 19).

臭屄 chòubī (choe bee)

Motherfucker. Literally “smelly cunt” or “stinking cunt.”

烂屄 lànbī (lahn bee)

Rotten cunt.

妈屄 mābī (mah bee)

Hag, cunt. Literally “mother’s cunt.”

老屄 lăobī (laow bee)

Old cunt, old hag.

骚屄 sāobī (saow bee)

Slut, dirty cunt. Literally “slutty cunt.” A stronger, or at least slightly more colorful, variation on plain 屄 bī (bee).

屄样 bīyàng (bee yahng)

Literally “the appearance of a cunt,” referring to someone’s behavior in a way that indicates that they’re being a cunt, or you think they’re a cunt. Similar to càoxing, discussed earlier in this chapter.

鸡屄 jībī (gee bee)

鸡 jī (gee), literally “chicken,” or 鸡贼 jī zéi (gee dzay), literally “chicken thief,” is Beijing slang for someone cheap or stingy, and 鸡屄 jībī, literally “chicken cunt,” is a dirty version of that term.

你妈了个屄 nĭmālegebī (nee mah luh guh bee)

Fuck you! (and a way of saying it that rolls off the tongue especially well). Literally, “Your mother’s a cunt!”

你个死屄 nǐ ge sǐ bī (nee guh sih bee)

Literally “you dead cunt,” but the whole phrase can be used the way you’d use “fuck” in direct address, whether genuinely insulting someone or joking around, like “fuck you” or “you stupid fuck.”

Dick-related swears

屌 diǎo (dyaow)

Slang for “cock” and used as an insult (as in “what a dick”) since the J̄ın dynasty (1115-1234). Diǎo is also used positively in Taiwan to mean “awesome” or “cool” or “outrageous.”

管你屌事 guǎn nǐ diǎo shì (gwun nee dyow shih)