Возвращаясь на круги своя (СИ)

"Hold on for just a minute. What is the reason for us to stay in the hall? You are not in a big hurry I suppose. And so am I. We can talk sitting comfortably - am I right? Which place would you prefer - kitchen or living room?"

"I, personally, prefer the kitchen. It is not that big, maybe even small for a couple of persons but it is very cozy. Most of my time I spend now here, in the kitchen, since my husband Yurgis had died... You can sit on the chair on this side of the table and I will sit here. What would you like to drink - coffee or tea?"

"Oh, no, no! You cannot refuse - you must have one or the other, this is our custom. Besides, it is impossible to have informal conversation without a cup of tea or coffee. So, which one would you like?"

"It does not matter for me - it takes only few minutes to boil water in the kettle."

"Oh, really? You think my English is very good? How flattering it is!"

"Where did I learn it? Well, mostly I learned it in Kaunas gymnasium, when I was a young girl, before World War II. We had a wonderful English teacher there, I still remember her. And after the war I studied English in university and then worked for 25 years in one of the high schools in Vilnius as a teacher. Yes. But I did not have much practice to speak it with native speakers. Unfortunately, we had very few tourists from the West during Soviet time. So, how can I help you? Did you say that we are relatives?"

"Oh, now I see. You are interested in Kohanskis family, not mine. I guess I misinterpreted what the secretary said."

"Of cause, I remember them - they were our neighbors. Are they relatives of yours? Now a lot of people are looking for their roots, particularly from the West. American Jews, mostly. Sort of a new boom..."

" You are saying that your purpose is different? What is it?"

"Just one moment, young man, just one moment. Here is your tea. It is ready. Would you like a sugar?"

"No?"

"Yes, yes, sure. I most certainly agree with you - a lot of sugar is not good for the health. I, myself, have a light form of diabetes, you know, and use it very, very modestly. Doctor"s advice. When you get older all kinds of diseases are trying to catch you. Not like in young age. You don"t have diabetes - do you?"

"When I was young I was very healthy too. Not any more, unfortunately."

"So, what would you like to know about Kohanskis? They were our neighbors - all three brothers. I did not know their parents though - they passed away before I was born. They lived across the street from us, in one big house. Well, sorry, not all of them. The oldest one left his home when I was still a small child and I don"t remember him: not how he looked, not how he dressed and not how he spoke. Nothing. His name was, I think, Chaim but I am not sure."

"Where did he go? He probably moved to Kaunas. That is where most Jews went, when they were leaving our town. Although I remember in conversations about him the small town of Babtai was mentioned. Maybe that is where he went. It was long time ago and my memory is not so good anymore. And to tell you the truth I was never interested where he went. Maybe he even visited his family in Linkuva occasionally. Who knows? I did not see him. Is he the one who is interested you? Your tea is getting cold, by the way. Would you like me to warm it a little bit?"

"Are you sure? We don"t have microwaves here as you do in America but I still can..."

"Maybe, then, I shall add a little bit of hot water into your cup? Just a hot water..."

"So, where did I stop? Look! I suddenly remembered. My memory is not good any more - didn"t I tell you? I have great cookies and I completely forgot about them. What a silly person I am! Please try - I made them myself. I baked them yesterday for the young scouts, who were planning to visit me. Cookies are still pretty fresh. Try, I put a lot of effort to make them right - I wanted to treat the scouts with something homey and tasty."

"So, tell me your opinion. Do you like them?"

"Who? The scouts? How do I know? They never showed up. Probably their teachers found out that they made a mistake by mixing me with somebody else. You see - they have now in middle schools a new program (as part of curriculum) to visit veterans of WWII but I guess that yesterday they figured out that I am a veteran of a different kind. Not the one who they are supporting, but opposite - the one who fought veterans that they are supporting. Do you understand? Since Lithuania gained independence everything went upside down - who was a bandit became a partisan and who was a partisan became a bandit. Crazy world!"

"I am so sorry that I moved away from our subject, young man, but the present set of affairs in Lithuania annoys and confuses me a great deal. It brings worries and discontent and it is so much on my mind that I cannot sleep at nights; I feel great urge to discuss this matter with somebody else, with someone whose opinion I could trust but.... I am very lonely. You are an outsider and probably can see things differently, without premature conclusions or prejudice. Since Yurgis, my late husband, had died 5 years ago, I lost (how do you say it in English?) - a fulcrum. Is that the right word - a fulcrum?"

"He was a very smart person, very knowledgeable, you know, and I used to rely on his opinion a lot. Actually, I can tell you without any exaggeration that my husband was the smartest person I ever met in my life. You may not believe me - but it is true. Why do you think I married him? When we met (it was in the late thirties) in Kaunas Yurgis impressed me so much that I immediately fell in love. Instantly. He was like a walking encyclopedia: he knew everything about everything and I never got bored with him. He was such kind of person. He studied law in the university but could not finish his studies because police arrested him for his political views and incarcerated. He spent two years in prison. Never the less, in the fifties, when he was already a middle age man, he went back to school and received Ph.D. in history. He had a brilliant mind! And he also was gentle and considerate... - what can I tell you? We spent so many years together, wonderful and difficult years; I missed him very much..."

"Wait a minute! Why am I telling you about my husband? Oh, yes, of course - because I feel myself very lost these days. For you, as an outsider, the latest events here, in Lithuania, might look even more confusing than they do for me. I don"t know. But let me tell you that for us, particularly for those who like myself, fought Nazis during WWII they appeared to be incomprehensible. When we fought fascists, both - domestic and invaders, when in the thirties, we struggled to create a better society here, in Lithuania, we never imagined that it would come to such abrupt and unexpected end, when murderers and bandits could be glorified as national heroes. It is very, very sad for me to see."

"What? You think that it might be reaction to our policies in the past? Of course, I realize that some of our actions made a lot of local people angry - I am not loony or crazy or very old - I am only in the seventies. Sure, we made mistakes. But who does not make them? Everybody does and it is always easier to find mistakes in actions of someone else than to avoid making them yourself. Do you agree with me? We were young and naïve and we trusted imposters and scoundrels, like Stalin, who used us for his own purpose. And sometime we were probably overly zealous or too inflexible in pursuit of our dreams. But we always believed that what we were doing was the right thing to do: we believed that bringing justice and equality to everyone would make the world a much better place. Do you understand me?"