Soul Mountain (chinese)
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"Soul Mountain is one of those singular literary creations that seem impossible to compare with anything but themselves… In the writing of Gao Xingjian literature is born anew from the struggle of the individual to survive the history of the masses."
– from the citation of the Nobel Prize committee of the Swedish Academy
When this year's Nobel Prize for Literature was awarded to Chinese expatriate novelist and playwright Gao Xingjian, few in the English-speaking West were familiar with his work. Gao's masterpiece, SOUL MOUNTAIN (PerfectBound, an e-book from HarperCollins; February 20, 2001; $19.95), is a dazzling kaleidoscope of fiction, philosophy, history and fable. Elegantly translated by Australian sinologist Mabel Lee, this richly textured autobiographical novel recounts a dual journey-a literal journey into the heart of China and a spiritual journey of the self.
When Gao was 43, he was incorrectly diagnosed with lung cancer. Resigned to death by the same means that had claimed his father just a few years before, Gao spent six weeks indulging his appetites and reading philosophy. The spot on Gao's lung mysteriously disappeared, but a new threat arose when rumors began to circulate that he was to be sent to a prison farm because of his controversial writings. No longer facing imminent death, the writer quickly left Beijing and disappeared into the remote forest regions of Sichuan, then spent five months wandering along the Yangtze River from its source down to the coast. Gao's 15,000 kilometer sojourn forms the geographic parameters of the fictional journey in SOUL MOUNTAIN.
While on a train at the start of his trip, the writer protagonist meets another traveler who says he is going to Lingshan, "soul mountain," which can be found by the remote source of the You River. The writer has never heard of such a place, and he resolves to go there, but his fellow traveler can give him none but the vaguest directions. Thus begins a metaphoric odyssey into the hinterlands of China and the outlying Qiang, Miao and Yi districts that dangle on the fringes of Han Chinese civilization.
The writer is in search of the traditions that are hidden in rural China, and as he travels he encounters a parade of unforgettable characters who embody both vestiges of the past-Daoist masters, Buddhist monks, ancient calligraphers-and the modern culture that has surfaced since the revolution: small town communist cadres, budding entrepreneurs, independent young girls grappling with parochial repression. The two worlds exist uneasily as one, with stories and customs from centuries past colliding with a world of televisions, automobiles, and technology. All is permeated by the dark legacy of the Cultural Revolution, the encroachment of ecological damage, and the harsh monetary realities of everyday life in contemporary China.
SOUL MOUNTAIN is a dazzling work of the imagination, where classic fables merge with tales of modern cruelty and ancient philosophy does battle with existentialism. But Gao goes deeper still as he explores notions of the devastation of the self at the hands of social expectations. He continually shifts his narrative voice as the "I" of the writer becomes the "you" of an imagined companion, then the "she" of a woman companion. Yet all reflects back on the protagonist, who craves these two seemingly contradictory ends-the solitude necessary for nurturing the self and the anxiety-provoking warmth of human society.
Gao began this novel in the mid-eighties, then carried the manuscript with him when he fled China in 1987. Now living in Paris, he completed the book there in 1989. His writings continue to be banned in his native country. As Gao's work at last gains the public's attention here in the West, SOUL MOUNTAIN provides a dazzling introduction to the achievement of one of contemporary literature's acknowledged masters.
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四十四
她说她老了,早晨对着镜子梳洗的时候,看着眼角抹不平的皱纹,是脂粉掩盖弥补不了的。这镜子清清楚楚告诉她,她这一生最美好的岁月已经浪费掉了。每天早起,她心情就沮丧极了,一点精神都提不起来。要不是上班她真不愿起床,不愿见人。只是上班以后,工作逼在那里,还得同人打交道,她才开始说笑,忘掉自己,得点排解。
你说你明白。
不,你无法明白,她说女人到了这时候发现还没有真正倾心爱她的人,这种沮丧你无法明白。只有快到晚上她才有些生气。她每个晚上都想安排得满满的,得有去处,或是有人来,她不能忍受寂寞。她要赶紧生活,这种迫切感你明白吗?不,你不明白。她说她只有在舞会上,感到对方手的触摸,闭上眼睛,才觉得她还活着。她知道不会有人真爱她了,她再也经不起细细端详,她害怕眼角的皱纹,这日益憔悴的模样。她知道你们男人,需要女人的时候甜言蜜语,等满足了,厌倦了,就又去找新欢,再见到年轻漂亮的女人,立刻就又有说有笑,可一个女人的青春又能有几年?这就是女人的命运。她只有在夜里,在你床上,你看不清她的皱纹,给你享受的时候,你才会说几句感激的话,你听她讲下去!她说她知道你要甩她,你那一切不过是借口,好乘机摆脱,你不要讲话。
放心好了,她说她不是那种女人,死缠住男人不放,她也还能找到别的男人,她会自找安慰。她知道你要说什么,不要同她谈事业,到她有一天找不到男人的时候,她自然会去找一个所谓的事业。可她不会去管别人的闲事,替人牵线作媒啦,或是听别人往她这里倒苦水。她不会去当尼姑,你不要假笑,庙里现今也只收小姑娘,都是做做样子,给外国人看。现今招的这些尼姑也照样成家,一样有家庭生活。她会为她自己着想,领一个私生子,一个野种,你听她说!
你难道能给她个孩子?你能让她生下来吗?她要一个你的种,你给吗?你不敢,你害怕了,你放心吧,她不会说是你的孩子,他没有父亲,是他母亲放荡的结果,他永远也不会知道谁是他的父亲,你她算是看透了,只能去骗骗小姑娘,可她们真懂得爱?真会疼你?像妻子一样关心你?女人身上不只有女性,不只是你们发泄性欲的工具。一个健康的女人,当然需要性爱,可不是性爱就能满足的,一个女人的本性还是做妻子,要一个正常的家庭。你找谁都免不了要依附你,是女人就要依附在男人身上,你又有什么办法?可未必能像她这样心疼你,像母亲疼爱孩子,在她怀里你不过是个可怜的孩子。你贪得无厌,不要以为你还强壮,你也很快会老的,你就什么都不是。你玩姑娘去呀,可最终,你也还是她的,最后也还得回到她身边,只有她能容忍你,你的弱点她都能宽容,你还哪里去找这样的女人?
她已经空了,她说她没有感觉,已经被享用尽了,只剩下一副空洞的躯体,像落进无底的深渊,上下不着边际,一张飘飘荡荡的破网,缓缓的,就这么堕落下去,她不悔恨,她生活过了,如此而已,也爱过,也算被爱过,剩下的像一碗无味的剩茶,泼了也就泼了,无非是一样的寂寞,再没有冲动,还有点冲动,也像尽义务,一条断残的血污的蛇肉,是你砍的,你手段够残忍的,她没什么可以悔恨,只怪她自己,谁叫她生来是女人?她再也不会半夜里发疯跑到街上,坐在路灯下一个人去傻哭,也不会歇斯底里叫喊着往雨里跑,叫急煞车再吓一身冷汗,在悬岩上也不再有死的恐惧,她身木由己,已经掉下去了,这张谁也不会再捡起的破网,剩下的日子没有色彩,就这么随风飘去,等有一天堕落到底,就乖乖死去,她不像你,那么怕死,没你们那么懦弱,这之前,她心已经先死了,女人受的伤害比你们男人多得多,被占有的第一天起,肉体和心就被你们揉搓,你还要怎样?你要扔就扔吧!不要同她讲那些好听的话!这都安慰不了她,并不是她绝情,要恶,女人比男人更恶,因为女人受的伤害比你们多!只有忍耐,她还能怎样报复?女人要报复起来-她说她没有报复你的意思,她只有忍受,她什么都忍受了,不像你们有一点痛苦就叫喊,女人比男人更敏感。她并不后悔成为一个女人,女人也有女人的自尊,说不上骄傲,她总之并不后悔,来世投股也还愿意再成为一个女人,也还愿意再去经受女人的这些苦难,也还想再去体会初产的那种痛苦,第一次做母亲的那种快乐,那种撕裂后的甘甜,再去享受处女的第一次悸动,那种惶惶不可终日的紧张,那种不安定的目光,接触到男性的目光的那种慌张,那种被宰割止不住流泪的疼痛,她都愿意再经历一次,如果还有来世的话,你记住她好了,记住她给你的爱,她知道你已经不爱了,她自己走开就是了。她说她要一个人向荒野里走去,乌云与道路交接之处,路的尽头,她就向那尽头走去,明知其实是没有尽头的尽头。路无止境伸延,总有天地相接的那一点,路就从那里爬过去,她无非顺着云影下那条荒凉的路,信步走去。那漫长的路的尽头,等她好不容易熬到,又伸延了,她无止境这样走下去,身心空空荡荡。她不是没产生过死的念头,也想就此结束自己,可自尽也还要有一番激情,她却连这种激情也消失殆尽。人结束生命时总还为谁,还为点什么,她如今却到了不再为谁和不为什么的时候,也就再也没有力量来结束自己,一切的屈辱和痛苦都经受过了,心也自然都已麻木。